Filthy Gorgeous
by CaffieneScribbler
Summary: Gwen is working late. Ianto leaves Gwen a note concerning the Hub sound system. Of course she has to start singing...but what happens when someone walks in? Update: now a regular story concerning similar types of adventures with all of the team. Fluff!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! First story for Torchwood, so had to be fluff...hehe! All rights to the song Laura go to the amazing and epic Scissor Sisters, and Torchwood is not owned my me (noooo!) Please review if you like it xxx**

Gwen was working late. Jack had buggered off with Ianto, Owen was presumably out drinking and Tosh was working at home as usual. So, that left her, with a pile of paperwork and files to sort out. She sighed and began to briskly sort through the mountain of paper in front of her. There was a neatly folded note on top, her name in neat script across the front. _Ianto_, she thought as she unfolded it. It read:

Dear Gwen,

Seeing as you seem to have an inexplicable amount of work to do, I thought you might want a little music to relax- coffee might be unimaginable with what I've seen of your culinary talents... Don't ask me why, but Jack apparently has every room soundproofed (?) and there's quite a large system of speakers in the walls. There's a CD library in cupboard seven I think. Enjoy.

Ianto.

Gwen smiled as she read the section about her supposedly non-existent culinary talents. She could almost see him smirking as he wrote that. It was good that he was opening up a bit at last. She hated to say it, but Jack seemed to be having a good effect on him-something she would never admit to anyone but herself, he had a big enough head as it was. She laughed to herself as she walked over to cupboard seven. Sure enough, Ianto was right. She gasped as she shifted the door open, and saw racks and racks of CDs stacked alphabetically, right up to the roof. Gwen began to shift through the nearest shelf to her, and realised it was indeed very well stocked.

Soon, alongside the pile of work, was a pile of CDs. The Scissor Sisters, Maroon 5, Duffy- Gwen had always loved music. She worked her way through the CDs as she filed. Ianto was right, the speakers really were very good.

Gwen started singing as she worked, to a song she'd heard on the radio the other day.

"Laura, can't you give me some time,  
>I got to give myself one more chance.<br>To be the man that I know I am.  
>To be the man that I know I am.<br>Won't you just tell Cincinnati,  
>I'm gonna need your love.<br>Don't you give me your love?

Don't you give me your,  
>Come on,<br>Come on,  
>Where is your love?<br>Don't you give me your love,  
>Don't you give me your,<br>Come on,  
>Come on,<br>Where is your love?

She found herself singing stronger as she filed, twitching the volume dial up to max. The music was so loud she didn't hear the Hub door clang open, nor was concentrating as an imposing figure in a blue coat stood in the doorway. She went on singing.

"Don't you give me your love?  
>Don't you give me your-"<p>

She did a kind of twirly walk over to the stereo, in time to the beat, which made Jack splutter with laughter, however he quickly stifled it. It was most decidedly un-stifled when Gwen began to shuffle papers to the same beat. Gwen spun around, pistol cocked and ready, and Jack immediately put his hands up, grinning as her face fell in horror as she realised what he'd seen.

"Could you please refrain shoot me? If looks could kill, I'd be dead already." He chuckled, and she quickly lowered the pistol, blushing as he strode into the centre of the Hub. "It wouldn't phase me so much, but I'm not so sure I'd come back with a look like this one."

"I bloody hate you Jack Harkness!" she choked.

He ignored her, and leaned over her shoulder to see her desk, with one last file left to do.

"Pretty good work I'd say!" he teased her as she grabbed her bag and made to storm out.

"Gwen!" He shouted, and she turned around with a feisty flip of her hair

"WHAT?"

He simply flicked the stereo to the chorus of the next song

"Cuz you're filthy, ooh and I'm gorgeous..."

The Hub door slammed with one of the loudest slams Jack had heard in a long time.

"Oops."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi! Nice new update for everyone, keep the reviews coming (thanks to Torchwood Cardiff and TV-a-holic.)**

**Owen gets himself into more than he bargains when he tries to wind everyone up. What havoc an iPod can do...**

**Warning: seen as this is written from Owen's perspective, this automatically has a fair amount of bad language in it (durrr...) **

Owen had been, well- a bit of a twat he supposed. He'd managed to put the whole Hub into lockdown, with himself inside. His phone was dead, and he was hungry as well. A hungry and moody Owen was a force to be reckoned with, and he knew exactly what reaction he'd get from the others when they opened the Hub up for him- derision.

Therefore, he planned revenge in advance. They might say he was a moody wanker at times, but they couldn't say he wasn't resourceful. Although he knew that he'd piss Jack off if he did anything major, he was determined to get his own back on them. Right. He settled back in a chair, putting on his Dr. Evil face. Gwen was risky, but it was _so_ funny getting her grouchy with him. Tosh...hmmm. Maybe not. Ianto definitely, he couldn't resist a chance to wind him up. Jack was a crafty bugger though, it wasn't easy to get him embarrassed.

He decided he'd hunt around. Anyway, the fact that he wasn't using this time to catch up on paperwork would probably piss Jack off enough. So, he wandered around the Hub looking for items of embarrassment. Gwen's desk was nearest. He had a look in all the drawers, but apart from a tub of dodgy-looking coleslaw there wasn't much else. Disappointed, he had one last rummage through. Yes. A receipt for a red lace lingerie set...it wasn't much, but then again, it didn't take much to set her off.

Ahh. And now for the final treat. Ianto's desk. He immediately began to rifle through his drawers. Nothing particularly surprising...an iPod? Worryingly, it looked a bit like his, but his was at home...somewhere. He began to shuffle through the songs. The usual, the boring. Wow, that was rubbish even for Ianto, tedious, electropop (?)- bloody hell, that was a depressing song title, country, classical-

Owen stopped, beginning to snort with laughter. He collapsed into Ianto's chair, laughter shaking through his body.

Taylor Swift. Ianto Jones liked TAYLOR SWIFT?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

The next afternoon, Owen wandered over to Ianto's desk, where he'd purposefully left the iPod out. Funny, Ianto hadn't put it away- he was usually a stickler for neatness. Ianto came over.

"What? If you want coffee, we've run out."

Owen put his hands in his pockets.

"Ianto, do you really think I'd come all the way over here to ask you for a coffee, when I can shout at you _and_ piss you off from over there?"

He was met with an eyebrow raise.

"Anyway, I don't want coffee, I was just going to ask about the contents of, umm, this iPod here." He began to shake slightly with laughter. Odd, Ianto didn't look the least bit flushed. Time to deliver the damning verdict.

"Taylor Swift Ianto? Really!" He began to convulse in hysterics.

"If you could have waited for me to speak, then you would know that this is your iPod." Ianto said smoothly.

The colour drained from Owen's cheeks.

"About a month ago, you plugged it into your laptop and left it there. After shouting at me for not clearing up your spilt coffee, you managed to hit a key which caused the iPod to sync with not only the entire iTunes network, but hack into someone's account. More precisely, the contents of a 13 year old girl's account. She seems to like Justin Bieber, if you're interested."

Owen heard a splutter. Tosh and Gwen were standing right behind them, leaning against Tosh's desk. They were both trying to conceal peals of laughter, but burst at the sight of his face. Then, he heard the damning footsteps of Jack from the Hub door. Seeing the girls in hysterics and Owen looking like he was about to knock their heads together, he faced them with an eyebrow raised.

"May I ask?"

"No, you may not." Owen muttered furiously.

"He...he synced his iPod-" howled Gwen

"By accident!"

"To a 13 year old girl's account, and-pfffff!"

Jack started to grin.

"And what?"

Gwen was gasping for breath between her laughter now

"The entire...iTunes...library!"

Jack began to laugh.


	3. Chapter 3

Stimulated by my namesake, Caffeine :P Thinking the next chapter might concern Owen's comment about the Red Bull and coffee...what do you say to a hyped up/slightly pissed Torchwood team? Review and tell me or no update, heheheh.

It was Monday in the Torchwood Hub, and that did not bode well. Gwen was frantically trying to type in an order form for Next and make it look like she was actually doing some work, whilst Owen was enjoying being sour and difficult at everyone because it made him feel better to piss everyone else off. Tosh was fiddling compulsively with an alien artefact, while Jack was pulling his usual trick of being so up-beat and cheerful that he annoyed everyone by doing it. Ianto was nowhere to be seen.

Soon, the strain of no caffeine began to show on them all. Gwen began to get more and more erratic as the minutes passed and still there was not a sign of Ianto. She needed coffee! How the hell was she supposed to save the world without caffeine? Although she knew Ianto, quiet though he was, would happily murder her if he ever found out, she had to get coffee. She stood up and mumbled something about getting a biscuit, before drifting over to the coffee machine. Now was her chance!

She fumbled about with a coffee cup, and tried in vain to get the machine to work. It wouldn't.

How does Ianto _do_ this? Thought Gwen, get more and more frustrated.

"Come on...please! You work for Ianto!" She exclaimed, and pressed a button with her eyes closed, carefully. Tentatively. Nothing happened.

"COME ON!"

She punched it- and swore in a very Welsh fashion whilst hopping up and down holding her hand. Why did they make plastic so hard?

A gentle cough brought her back to the room.

Ianto was leaning against the doorway, his eyebrows raised.

Gwen put the coffee cup down gently.

"Looking for something, Gwen?" Ianto said with a careful tone.

Gwen swallowed. "Ummm, yes, urrr-"

"I'll find it for you, shall I?" Ianto gently, but firmly, shunted her out the door.

Gwen went back to her desk, ignoring the snorts from the rest of the team.

Ten minutes later, a cup of coffee was plunked down in front of her.

Gwen took a sip, and shuddered. Gone was Ianto's delicious coffee, and here was a cup of lukewarm...

De-caf. Fantastic. What was the point of coffee without the bloody coffee in it?

The next morning, Ianto strode into the kitchen, bearing a large sheet of paper.

Once he had managed (eventually) to pin it up, he poked his head out of the kitchen door.

"Please take into account the new rules regarding the coffee machine please."

This created raised eyebrows among the other members of the Torchwood team. Once they had some time off, they all wandered surreptitiously over to the kitchen and looked at the sheet. It read:

Ianto Jones' Rules for Coffee and Kitchen

The coffee machine is to be operated by Ianto Jones only.

Coffee is to be made by Ianto Jones only.

The coffee machine is not to be verbally/physically abused, mistreated or manhandled.

_At these three rules, Gwen hung her head bashfully_

Mugs (full or empty) are not to be thrown at other members of the Torchwood team, under any circumstances.

Instant is not acceptable at any time or situation

_Everyone looked down at that one..._

Red Bull is not to be mixed with coffee under any circumstances, the fact that it is de-caf is irrelevant.

_Owen grinned "That was a great evening." Jack and Gwen elbowed him in the ribs and told him to shut up._

Ianto Jones is not to be called tea-boy, or any other similar name.

_At that point Jack made to open his mouth to make what would surely have been a very inappropriate comment, but was cut short by glares from the others._

Coffee beans are not to be used as substitute pellets for a potato-chip gun.

_Owen raised his hands in defence-"What, it was growing mould anyway!"_

Vodka is not to be mixed with coffee to create "Russian Coffee."

_Jack shook his head "Waste of a great recipe..."_

NO Starbucks.

Bugger.


End file.
